bo*geli

thinking

2010-03-20T14:03:00.001-07:00

bout closing this one up. i closed my last one cuz it had hella blogs bout him, then i ended up blogging bout him on this one still. but i'm really turning the page this time. no more looking back.

i'm still thinking though between this and tumblr. i'll let you guys know soon.

for now, i'ma go with my sister and do some community service. i wasn't supposed to do it, but David made me. bleghhhh! ahah :]]

there's nothing else i could say.

2010-03-19T21:43:00.001-07:00

trust is like a mirror; you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection.

made my day.

2010-03-18T03:23:00.000-07:00

"i think anyone who tries to hurt you or something like that is stupid. i don't see how anyone could ever hurt you. anyone would be so lucky to have you. really, geli. " -D.S.

it's the sweetest thing i've ever heard in such a long time. heard it with so much sincerity. really made me smile.

one whole week.

2010-03-18T00:16:00.001-07:00

one whole week na ako halos di nakakanood ng mga teleserye ko, at more than a week naman na akong di lagi nakatambay sa facebook. i like! :]]

firsts.

2010-03-17T00:38:00.001-07:00

andami first ngayong gabi. laftrip eh. nagulat ako sa mga nanyare. parang oh shit! tangina. muntik na ko mamatay!

better than your ex, gon be better than your next.

2010-03-14T23:07:00.000-07:00

just sayin.

it's ok to lose your pride over someone you love, don't lose someone you love though over your pride, stick with your entree and get over your side.

maybe it's time to

2010-03-14T22:53:00.001-07:00

make the right choice.

i want to

2010-03-14T03:46:00.001-07:00

fast forward it to the day when i could say, "i moved on."
..to the day when i'll never look back.

nasaktan ako don aa. :]] taeeeeeeee. ahahaha
tangnaaa nananadya eeeeeeeee.

grrrrr. :((
sana, friday ulit.

ok na eh.

2010-03-14T03:20:00.001-07:00

chineck mo pa kasi eeee. ok na eeeeh! =|

makes sense.

2010-03-13T23:29:00.001-08:00

its FuCCiNGeLi 11:26 pm
    guys tend to do that to me
    i guess i should get used to it
    haha
david 11:26 pm
    omg
    ur dumb
its FuCCiNGeLi 11:26 pm
    its like they cant break it off wit me
    so they do stuff so id break up wit them
    haha
david 11:26 pm
    cuz ur 2 nice
    it hurtz us
    on da inside
its FuCCiNGeLi 11:27 pm
    lol
    me being nice hurts u?
david 11:27 pm
    no
    u being nice and wen wer bout 2 be fuked up
david 11:27 pm
    gets mo?
    haha
its FuCCiNGeLi 11:28 pm
    so it hurts u guys when ur bout to be fuckd up so u push me away more so id end it?
    hahaha
    i guesss
david 11:28 pm
    yea
    cuz if u end it
    ur fuked up
    haha
its FuCCiNGeLi 11:28 pm
    HAHAHAHHAHA
    that made me laugh.
    lol
    but it makes sense.
david 11:29 pm
    hahaha
    nice

he didn't appreciate, even when i walked away..

2010-03-13T07:03:00.001-08:00

today

2010-03-11T12:26:00.001-08:00

could have been the 31st.

just saying.

11|12

2010-03-10T23:16:00.001-08:00

nung nag 11:11 tas naging 11:12 kanina, napaisip ako.
magmamarch 11 na dito in like 40 mins, march 11 na sa pinas.

11..12.. :]
no comment.

2010-03-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

sumagi nanaman.

15 more minutes.

2010-03-06T23:45:00.001-08:00

ayos. patigasan mode talaga kami. .. =|

sagot ko dito.

2010-03-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

**ibobold ko sagot ko ok? :]

FRIDAY, MARCH 5, 2010

Faceless Void

"When you and I said goodbye I felt the angels cry."

I don't know, bilis eh. Kahapon ang sweet pa namin. Kahit hindi officially kami, parang kami parin talaga. kaya ako nagexpect, pero nagonline ako, di nya ko pinansin, kung di pa ako nagchange ng status about cockblocking. wala eh, patigasan ata talaga kami. Then kanina, magkausap kami, in-ask ko pa sya kung ok na sya, then yung sagot nya may ibang laman. I guess she's fine na. ang labo naman kasi ng tanong nya. malay ko ba kung anong im ok. Di ko lang akalain na ganun kabilis. Dapat pala nasanay na ko sakanya, dati din naman mabilis nya ko napagpalit. Di nya ko pinili. Ako naman, sya lagi ko pinipili kahit alam kong malayo sya. Eh ako nga, andun lang sa harap nya di nya pa napili. Dapat pala talaga nasanay na ako noon. In-expect ko na dapat na ganun pala talaga ang mangyayari sa tuwing maghihiwalay kami. Ke kasalanan ko or kasalanan nya, sya ang ang unang tunay na makaka-move on. ako nakamove on? AKO? pag sya happy at di ako iniisip, ok lang, pero pag ako, ayan, nakamove on na daw, kahit inde. pota ako na nga dinelete sa fb, mga pics ko dinelete, ako pa nakamove on ha? gusto nya icheck nya buong computer ko at cellphone ko, tas sabihin nya ulit sakin na nakamove on na ko.. I'm happy for her. For real. baka happy for you.

Who ever it is na sinasabihan nya ng "step your game up" eto gnawa kong status dahil sa hirit ni sara na magkakabalikan daw din kami, sabi ko ewan ang bagal eh. gusto ko lang naman na bumalik na sya sakin.. pota namisunderstand pa ako.. , or kung sino man yung tinutukoy nya sa she'll "change her game" baket, sya lang pede magstatus ng gusto nyang linya ng kanta? na walang meaning? kasi ako gnawa ko lang tlgang status yan dahil tugtog kanina ung you ni lloyd. eh sya, yung "she may have what i want but you're the one i need." ANAK NG POTA. daw for that person, bahala na sila. Di na ko magpaparamdam sakanya. I love my ego more than anybody or anything else in this world. ayon. bglang jan bumagsak.. galing noh? Goodluck nalang. Di ako bitter, ginagawa ko lang yung sa tingin ko eh tama. It's Saturday night na, LET'S PARTEEYY!

eto commentary ko.

one week ako nagpigil na wag sya kulitin, to give him the peace of mind i know i was never able to give him kasi everytime we break up, kinukulit ko agad sya na bumalik saakn. itanong nyo pa sa lahat ng tropa ko na nakausap ko this past week kung ano ang paulit ulit kong sinasabi. I WANT HIM BACK. i really thought he knew me better than that. di naman ako tulad nya na mabilis mapaltan ang feelings, na just cuz sabado it's all about partying na. ako, que me party que wala, nakatatak sya sa utak ko. sa mga nakakabasa ng private blog ko, alam nyo, alam nyo kung gano kahirap para sakin lahat ng pinagdaanan ko this week. kung kelan lang ako natuwa ng totoo. alam nyo yan. ngayon sabihin nyo nga sakin, yun ba ang chura ng mabilis makamove on? sana totoo nalang ung sinabi nya.. di ako iiyak. pramis. di na daw sya magpaparamdam. bahala siya. makitid utak nya. bahala na..

='[

may tumawag.

2010-03-05T02:44:00.001-08:00

tinadtad ako ng i love you.

totoo :]

2010-03-04T21:09:00.001-08:00

gusto ko

2010-03-04T15:37:00.000-08:00

gusto ko maospital.
parang madali maospital. nakahiga ka lang, walang iniisip. kung meron man, pwede mo itulog buong magdamag. me excuse ka para di gumising pag ayaw mo pa magisip. para di mo mafeel yun ayaw mo mafeel..

tulad ko. nkakabaliw na nararamdaman ko..

happy for you.

2010-03-03T23:46:00.001-08:00

i just want to be happy for you.
you should know that. :]

so i

2010-03-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

hate the fact that i'm still hung up over him. ahahah. and every wall post of every girl and each of his reply to em kills me. =|

ewww. i'd rather be emo and cut my wrist already. ahahahaha. BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! i don't want to be home right now.. i really don't.

:(

2.5 years.

2010-03-03T02:41:00.001-08:00

may nagtanong kung gano kami katagal. napabilang ako.
nalungkot ako lalo.

2 years and a half down the drain.
faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!

naiiyak nanaman ako =//

pwedeng umiyak?

2010-03-02T22:42:00.001-08:00

at wag na gumawa ng homework kasi di ako makapagisip ng ayos..
pwede?.

ONE TIME, BIG TIME lang..

badtrip.

2010-03-02T22:07:00.001-08:00

inde ako makaaral. inde ako makafocus. lintek na yan para akong tanga, kakacheck ko lang ng profile nya, wala pa 5 minutes, cclick ko nanaman ung picture nya. tinanggal ko na nga sa top ko eh para di ako matempt eh, no epek parin? ahaha.

tangna. naiiyak nanaman akooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. :((

this shit's gonna take awhile. =/

uyyy si derek, may sense. :]]

2010-03-02T16:58:00.001-08:00

nakakainis lang, na lahat halos ng gawin ko, related sakanya. kahit na walang relasyon, kinokonekta ko parin sakanya. parang tanga lang eh noh?

sunday, monday, tuesday. 3 araw na kaming wala. sabi ni kireng, yung pinsan nya, tignan daw namin mangyyari in 3 days, for sure kami ulit. pero wala. haha. madaling sabihing ayaw ko na, pero ang sagwa noh? pag alam mo yung totoong gusto mo..

sabi nga ni derek..
pero pano ko magagawang kalimutan ang nakaraan? kung ang taong tinatakasan ko ay ang taong di pwede mawala sa buhay ko...

haha lupet ng buhay noh?
kung sino pa talaga. pero ganon naman talaga. i have to keep it moving. sabi nga niya wala ng bawian. i should just accept the fact that unlike before, he's not going to come running after me anymore..

kagabi.

2010-03-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

so i went to my mom's room, nagcheck saglit ng fb. she saw my profile pic, tas she goes, "ang ganda mo jan." sabi ko, "i know, right?" then she goes, "ang ganda mo ... click"

ba't ba? blog ko naman to.

2010-03-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

this love wasn't built overnight..
you can't ruin something this real..
this love will last..
FOREVER & A WEEK

...that's what i used to think.. < / 3
senti mode. tutulog na nga ako.. ='[
pasensyahan tayo, mga ilang araw pa ako mageemote.

wala ng bawian.

2010-02-28T18:44:00.001-08:00

so after an hour or so of crying and steady layin on my bed and nonstop clicking the next button on my ipod dock remote just because each and every song seems to remind me of him, i think i'm at a better state now. not the best, but it was better than how i was earlier.

it was a simple matter of them or me.
i wasn't his choice. `nuff said. :]]

mainit nanaman ulo ko..

2010-02-28T04:08:00.001-08:00

naiiyak pa ako.
lintik na buhay to.
--
buti pa ang mga taong di ko gusto, me oras para sakin. pwe!

dear God.

2010-02-28T00:05:00.001-08:00

tulungan nyo po sana na makayanan kong controllin sarili ko tonight. magawa ko sanang wag syang ratratin ngayong gabi. alam naman ng lahat ang nagiging epekto ng pangaaway ko sakanya..

must've been my lucky day.

2010-02-26T18:45:00.000-08:00

an hour before midnight palang, maganda na ang tema. he called me to tell me he's on his way home and he'd talk to me when he gets home. txtd me for a bit hanggang nawalan na siya ng battery. actually, even before that, kinikilig na ako. magkausap kasi kami kahit papaano while i was in class. talked a little more when i got home pa. tas ayun, 2 hours after he called he went online. mejo natagalan siya magonline kasi matakaw, nagmcdo muna sya :]] haba ng usapan namin. kulit lang eh. usap sa y!m sabay magkausap pa sa wall sa facebook. nagoovoo din kami! ahah. super tinag ko sya sa mga new pics ko kasi he wanted me to, ganda ko daw! bwahahah. nakita ko si ate dai sa oovoo, pati inaaanak ko!! super cuuute. tas nagkkwento si ate dai bout nung nagsingle daw si boo sa fb, tas binatukan nya for me! ahaha. tas ngayon ko lang nakita yung bangka na may pic namin. bwahahah ang cute, kinilig ako:

anyways, after that, nagmovie date kami! we watched valentines day. it's a pretty cute movie. nagchachat kami while watching. mejo nagkadramahan, pero steady. then more oovoo after, hanggang makatulog ako. nadc yung oovoo ko while i was sleeping, buti naalimpungatan ako so we talked some more. nakatulog naman ako ng mga at least 5 hours. more oovoo for us. hanggang sa napagod na si boo kakaantay kay tito dalhan sya ng mcdo. tas tinulugan niya ako. ahahaha. pero bigla nagtxt. ayun o! super dramahan kami. hanggang tuluyan na siya nakatulog. :]]

so to add up to that, dumating na yung books ko. i thought i was going to have to hella cram all of my homeworks up kasi mga due na next week tas wala pa mga libro ko. buti nalang dumating na. so i took a shower para makastart sana ako ng homework ko after. i ended up cleaning up my room though. ahaha, for the first time in hella days maimis ang kwarto ko! i rearranged my room as well. it looks neat. di pa ako super tapos, pero it's a start. 4 na oras pala halos ako nagimis! isa pang kaswertehan? while i was cleaning i saw my other wallet, at take note, may laman! ahaha super natuwa ako. it's not much pero it's something!

now i'm bout to get me something to eat, then magaaral na ako after. :]] ♥

super pigil mode.

2010-02-25T21:59:00.001-08:00

i was used to loggin on and snooping around Ryl's facebook. ahaha ngayon, super pigil mode ako. ayoko naaa. dyan kami nagaaway eee. :]]

canon g11.

2010-02-25T13:44:00.000-08:00

i have my eyes set on this one. more info? click here.

camera's

2010-02-25T12:26:00.000-08:00

soooo, nagiisip kasi ako kung ano klase gusto ko para may target ako, para alam ko magkano iipunin ko. so tinanong ko sila, mga dakilang may magagandang camera :]]

reg.joyce: nikon d40
figga latte: canon g10 - hinde dslr kanya, pero it still takes good pictures.
donna: canon eos 500d aka canon rebel digital t1i - ganto yung nakikita ko dito na tinatarget ko.

money in the baaank.

2010-02-24T22:22:00.001-08:00

$115.40

i deposited $55.40 (take note, yan ung inipon ko na coins ah!) earlier, that's why. ahaha. excited. marunong pala ako magipon.

true.

2010-02-24T21:22:00.001-08:00

feb 24 2010

2010-02-24T20:35:00.001-08:00

< / 3 →♥

Remove
Geli Bala Ow! Un status k na 2 na mahb? Lol. Cge. Mggrocery kme ni ma then uwe na. Txt m ko mmea s chikka ah! I love you!
3 hours ago · Comment · Like

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Ryl Catalig yung mga babaeng kinaseselosan mo. :] oi, ligo na ko ha. i love you.
3 hours ago · Comment · Like
Rita Louise Malubay Loseo likes this.

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Geli Bala Teka d ko gets haha. Cnu wala panama? I miss u! I love you
4 hours ago · Comment · Like

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Ryl Catalig yea, tama. :] compared sayo boo, wala silang panama! :P i love you.
4 hours ago · Comment · Unlike
You and Rita Louise Malubay Loseo like this.

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Geli Bala Haha ang cute. Ikaw na ang cute. Sakto baller k na , kunin m 2 pho2graphr para lht ng angulo kuha
10 hours ago · Comment · Like

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Ryl Catalig nakahiga na ko, eh napapaimagine ako. tapos naisip ko yun, tapos parang pinipilit ako ng sarili ko ipost sa wall mo. haha. :P ang labo.
10 hours ago · Comment · Like

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Geli Bala Gcng ka pa? Sapul lbsan na namen!
10 hours ago · Comment · Like

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Ryl Catalig hoy boo, pag uwi mo magrerent ako ng sarili natin photographer. kahit hindi professional, basta marunong gumamit ng camera. :P para lahat ng gawin natin, may picture. :] ok ba yun? offlimits lang sya sa kwarto ko syempre.
10 hours ago · Comment · Like

eto kasi status ko:

Remove
Geli Bala i needa stop trippin and just deal wit the fact that Ryl Catalig is hella friendly when it comes to girls, and just believe the fact that it doesn't matter who he's wit, it's always me he's going to be about and that's real. right, boo? :]] ♥8 hours ago · Comment · Like · View Feedback (14)

feb 21 2010

2010-02-23T21:37:00.001-08:00

♥ → < / 3

tumblr.

2010-02-23T12:38:00.001-08:00

tamang reblog. dami kasing nakakasapul. nakakatuwa noh? ung tumblr.. kala mo they're all a bunch of reblogs lang, pero ung totoo, nasasapul nung mga nireblog mo ung state na u're in. dba?

http://itsfuccingeli.tumblr.com/

gastos.

2010-02-23T11:45:00.000-08:00

things i'm saving up for.

1. uncharted 2: Among thieves

2. dslr
i don't really know what kind i want to get yet, but i want to get a brand new one, that's for sure.

3. tattoo
i might get this before the dslr. depends on whether i have decided on what i want to get already by the time i get the money for it. i actually had 2 in mind, but i'm still debating. either "even angels lie" or "never forget". i want both in latin though.

4. plane ticket to NY. kuya jason wants me to spend time with him in NY this summer. he said it'll be bomb. i wasn't planning on going there anytime soon because i was trying to save up for the Philippines.. but yea.. due to recent unfortunate events and his decisions, i don't plan on going back to the Philippines anymore.. at least not anytime soon. (maybe i'll end up gettin this before the dslr & the tattoo. ahaha)

5. nissan 350z
yeap. i'm planning to save up for this baby. i'ma needa save hella, but it's a goal. i guess being single has its perks. i'ma spoil this baby when i get to have it. whenever that is. i have a scion tc 2008, but i have a feeling that by the time my dad lets me drive that, i'mna be able to afford this already. ahaha yeap i'm planning to make me some paper!

di ko alam.

2010-02-22T23:10:00.001-08:00

di ko alam ba't ako nagcheck ng chikka. pero when i did, i saw this.

armi baradi: (February 22, 2010 06:31:32)

hai nako kafateed! bt lge k nlan nxxktn? mhal mu nmn xa, mhal k dn nmn nia eh. alm q! peo bt gnun? amf. wak mu nlan xdo icpn, pra d k n mxktn! d2 lan aq lge 4u.

lalang, natouch ako :]]

ayoko na isipin. bahala na si barbie. ♥

akalain mo..

2010-02-22T03:58:00.001-08:00

dineny nya sakin dati na may something sa kanila eh. haha, wala magaling ako magpagago. pustahan tayo, naging sila habang kami. :]]

Ryl Catalig nakita na ba kita sa empire, you look familiar eh.

aww tapos eto pa..
:]`09 `12: eto nga pala gel
:]`09 `12: Last month d kta mainform ksi nagllko net q
:]`09 `12: Naktxt ko ryl
Geli Baller: o tapos
:]`09 `12: Sbi ko ninong sya at ninang ka
:]`09 `12: Den sbi nia
:]`09 `12: Msta
Geli Baller: o
:]`09 `12: Nun cnbi ko na
:]`09 `12: Inwn ako wala tatay
:]`09 `12: Sbi nia ehem pde nmn aq
Geli Baller: wow.
:]`09 `12: Sbi ko gagu ka mgglt gel tska auko
:]`09 `12: Reasonnia
Geli Baller: ano
:]`09 `12: D nmn dawkau mag ka anak
:]`09 `12: Sbi ko
:]`09 `12: E ayaw pa ni gel wag mo pltn
:]`09 `12: Den aion
:]`09 `12: Parag weird

WOW LANG AHHHH!!! kelan kaya ako magtatanda?
ahahah. wala eh. mahal ko parin. =|

i never did.

2010-02-21T22:25:00.000-08:00

"no matter what, even through the screaming fights, the disagreements, mistakes and the tears we’ve cried, never, ever did I give up on you."

never naman talaga eh. i guess, i'm giving up on me..

goodnight blogspot. ='/

selfish vs unselfish.

2010-02-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

selfish:

i wanted to keep you, all to myself. i don't ever wanna share you to no one else, doesn't matter if she met you first and you have more memories together. i still want you all to myself. i want your attention, and i want to be on your mind all the time. i really want to always be the first thing you think about when you wake up, the last thing you think about before you go to sleep at night, the reason you check your phone and go online for, the reason you want to live for. i really want to be the one for you. i really want you to care about me more than anything/anyone else in this world. i want your love. the whole thing. undivided. if it should be divided, it should only be amongst me and your fams, and nobody else.

unselfish:
i'm not perfect, and apparently what i could offer and give you isn't enough for you to be contented and want to be with nobody else but me. it isn't enough for you to love just me. maybe we've been going through the same old shitty cycle because i'm not what you need, and maybe you just can't admit it to me. i'ma let you have your chance to find her, the girl who wouldn't put you through the same kind of mess i have.. even if that means breaking my heart.

< / 3

i don't wanna bother anymore..

2010-02-21T18:05:00.001-08:00

idk anymore..
things are just heartbreaking..
read more?

here we go again.

2010-02-21T17:44:00.001-08:00

mainit nanaman ulo ko.
na may halong huge tampo.
meron ding lungkot na nakisingit.
tas ung utak ko gulong gulo.

i'm staying..
pero why does he always make me feel like i should let it go?

should i? ='[

oo`boo!

2010-02-20T02:36:00.000-08:00

kakatapos lang namin magoovoo! ;p~

basically, pagkagising nya, winall na nya ako, nagdrama, went on ym, then nagusap na kami tas kakaoovoo lang namin. mahigit 5 hours then or a little more than that kami nagusap. more than one hour sa oovoo. happy akooo. ahahaha.

it's saturday & he's going clubbing, he besta behave! ♥

kilig*mode.

2010-02-20T00:33:00.000-08:00

yesterday, today, tomorrow.

2010-02-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

YESTERDAY
i didn't get to blog much bout what had happened yesterday due to some people who decided to piss me off. anyway, i woke up hella early yesterday. 5:45am to be exact. i had to get a ride with my mom, and they leave the house around 7:30am `cuz she needs to drop off ynn at school. we went to norco afterwards to take my behind the wheel test in order to get my driver's license. only my mom knew about it. i told her i didn't want to let anybody else know, just incase i fail it again. we were there around 9am because my appointment was for 9:30. fuckin i didn't get to take my turn till 11 =| . crazy. i swear i was praying the whole time i was driving. asked God to help me pass it. the examiner corrected a couple of my mistakes and looked at me like he was hella irritated. i could've sworn i thought i was about to fail it again. when we got to the parking lot, he told me my mistakes and what i should learn. he told me hella shit, so i asked him, "do i have to reschedule?" (i was hella bout to cry.) then he goes, "no, do you want to?" then a huge ass smile appeared on my face and i basically kept saying thank you. and for the first time, i got out of the car, smiling, waving to my mom & told her i passed! ahahah. basically, a lot of people were shocked because they didn't know i was taking it yesterday, then yeap, they congratulated me.

few hours before i took my test, me & my mom were talking about motivation and shit. she goes, i'll give you 20 bucks if you pass this. who would've thought, right? ahaha so now, she owes me 20. lol. we were basically happy yesterday. she treated me to in n out and i got me some double double burger, and animal style fries. i stayed in her office till 4ish pm, then we went to cvs kasi i told her that imna spend the 20bucks she owed me na. however, SHOCKINGLY, for the first time, wala akong nahanap na gusto kong make up sa cvs, =| ahah. went to class after that, and then i ended up taking naps in my english class since i didn't have much sleep the night before. [more on itsfuccingeli.]

TODAY
i woke up around 9 pero natulog ulit ako hanggang 11. i ate lunch. nadismaya ako. inaasahan ko tortang talong ulam kasi sabi ni ma kagabi un daw. pero inde naman :( tapos, pumuwesto ako sa kama ko, nagbasa nung homework ko, at nanood ng mga teleserye ko. dapat nga matutulog ako ulit, kaso ginanahan akong maligo na, so i did. tapos, i ended up cleaning my closet, and my make up drawer and one side of my room na rin. i wasn't going to, kaso, may hinahanap ako so kelangan ko linisin kwarto ko. ahaha. ooh & i did my laundry. basically, sipag mode ang lola mo today!

TOMORROW
im hanging out with my sister Ynna, my bestie Oreo, and my hg Tina. i hope tomorrow turns out to be a great day. i really need it. i've been stressing too much. :(

i'm getting there.

2010-02-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

he hasn't been txting me when he's out, i'm getting used to that. he doesn't wall me as much, i'm getting used to that. he'd rather play poker / chat with some other people while at it rather than talk to me, i'll get there. with school, and my fucked up schedule, always coming home hella tired just wanting to sleep, and having to wake up early--they all help a lot with my coping. all the girls that don't stop coming, the pictures, this and that, dadating din siguro yung time na i won't be bothered by it as much..

may lisensya na ako. magvovolunteer din ako sa adult day care center na pinagttrabahuhan ni mommy. i'ma keep myself busy na.

nakakapagod na kasi talaga na laging makipagagawan ng atensyon nya sa iba.. =/

-----
halos dedmahin ko sa facebook. ahaha. ayun tumwag tuloy. kinilig naman ako. ♥

:]]

2010-02-17T00:02:00.000-08:00

mas importante na sakanya to: pwufinest.blogspot.com :]

9-9

2010-02-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

9am//
actually, a little before 9, an unexpected call woke me up. hella put a smile on my face. it was Ryl kasi. yun yung trip ko na panggising sa umaga. :]] di kami mashado nagusap last night, mejo nainis pa nga ako eh, pero he made up for it naman. nung naubos na ung budget card nya, i went online then we talked some more. i actually got scared and almost cried. akala ko isa nanaman na break up ang mangyyari. nung i told him i had classes na kasi sa phone, he started talking about breaking up. nung i went online naman, he started talking bout the things that usually leads to break ups. pero, sinurprise nya ako. una naguupload siya ng mga videos namin sa fb, at nagpapasend pa siya ng iba. sabi ko pa nga, "nagpapasend ka ng mga videos tas gusto mo ilet go.." something like that, tas sya parang, "baka kasi burahin mo, para meron ako." yun pala, ang gago, gagawa ng video.

this video was like 2 years and some months late. ahaha. kasi nung bago palang kami, humihirit na ako ng video. pero laging di sya nakakagawa. pero it was worth the wait. it's short pero super cute. i wish i could post it on here, pero wala sakin yung file. however, i did ask him to post it up on our multiply when he has the time. when he does, i'll make sure to share the link with you guys. i promise, super kilig mode ako nun niwatch ko. namiss ko tuloy siya lalo. =|

anyways, first day of school namin kanina. i only had one class which was from 6-8pm. it's the first day so around, 7 pinalabas na kami. my mom & dad took me to school. ahaha. lalang, ang cute nila magkulitan sa kotse. tapos, we stopped by at popeye's. got some chicken. pag tuesdays kasi, 2piece chicken = $1. so my mom bought $5 worth of chicken, and 6pc onion rings for me. so ngayon, i'm hella full. ahah pero solve super busog talaga!

tomorrow naman, first day ko for 2 more classes: Mandarin Chinese, and Psychology. after that, plano namin ni ma na magpractice ako magdrive, then get my nails done afterwards. ano pa kaya mangyayari bukas?

first day of school.

2010-02-15T20:35:00.000-08:00

classes start tomorrow. actually, i only have one class tomorrow. i used to be so psyched about school starting these past few weeks, and i think i still kinda am. except, not as excited as i used to be. i think i'ma miss being able to sleep late and being able to wake up just right before dinner. lolx. :]]

this is a good thing though. it's something to do to keep me busy so i don't drive myself too crazy thinking about things that i don't want occupying my head.

i done drove myself insane today thinkin, you know? i'ma go cook me some chicharong bituka, and watch greek!

2010-02-15T17:50:00.001-08:00

i'm an impatient paranoid jealous narcissistic selfish greedy bitch yet i'm still here, enduring them heartbreaks and pain. oh hellz, i must be really inlove with you, Ryl Catalig ♥

january 16, 2010

2010-02-15T00:50:00.001-08:00

real story on this page:
http://itsfuccingeli.blogspot.com

slhando. ♥

2010-02-14T22:37:00.000-08:00

i saw this on her formspring, and i just had to copy+paste. super sapul kasi. as in super pareho ata kami ng situation.

I heard that you're in a relationship and it's been a bad two years with him. Heard that he's always taking you for granted. Why do you stay in that relationship?

Wow, what a question. Look, relationship's aren't always rainbows and butterflies, okay? It's also not true when a girl says that she's going to walk away. The only reason on why a girl will walk away would be because a.) she doesn't really love the guy or b.) she hasn't reached her limit yet. So unless I don't feel those 2 reasons that I just stated, I won't be walking away from this relationship that I've got going on.

Oh, and maybe I stay in this relationship because I like acting dumb and no matter how ugly things seem, it's great for me because I'm dark and twisty and I see the light in things that normal people would consider bad. So NO. It hasn't been a bad two years with him. It's been a huge lesson, a big (but good) strain in my life and it's made me stronger and a realist.

i started my valentine's day with a smile. ♥

2010-02-14T03:45:00.000-08:00

so as you can see, he called me 3 days in a row. ♥

he actually called me again not too long ago [so that'll be his 2nd phone call for the day]. he called around 2:14am. HAHA sakto, valentines day dito, tapos 2:14 = feb:14. ahaha lalang. astig. haha. babawwww. ;]]

i started off my valentine's day with a huge ass smile on my face. we were basically talking before he went to sleep [he called me earlier this day], then he went online the minute he woke up. we stopped talking for like a little more than an hour though because he went to the house next door, which is where his cousins live. may birthday kasi. nakikain lang sya. then when he got back, nagdate na kami. :]]

unfortunately, magkalayo kami. pangilang valentines nato na di kami magkasama. kainis. pero fortunately, nageeffort naman si bf. habang nagoovoo kami kanina, nagtetelebabad din kami. so tamang chill kami, naguusap sa phone, tas nagtitinginan sa isa't isa sa oovoo. saktong date lang. ♥

he's about to spend some time with his dad na right now, so titignan ko pa kung makakatulog ako. ahaha. kung hindi, then i guess i'd wait for him to get back so we could talk some more. pag inantok, eh di tutulog na ako. ahahah

i super love tonight. ♥
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY AGAIN TO EVERYONE. :]]

cute.

2010-02-14T01:13:00.000-08:00

aRmi aNgeLiCa bArAdi: mm . ngkekento kea c ryl nun pauwe n kme . eh xe mi ngtitinda nan mga roses s kalye . taz naalala k dw nia . xe nun father's day dw , caw kxma nia . taz kada mkaqta dw keo nan gnun s kanto , ngpapabili k dw . :]
--

Geli Baller: nagpakagoodboy tlga sya kagabi ah?
aRmi aNgeLiCa bArAdi: taz un isa , kapitbahay q lan kea dun n bumaba smen . un ! :]
Geli Baller: nako kafateed magglit ako sau pag pnagtakpan mo si ryl sakn1
aRmi aNgeLiCa bArAdi: ndi ! adik ! gudboy ho ma'am ! don't wori :]
Geli Baller: ahahah ok good.
Geli Baller: super di ko na alam ksi tlga ggwn ko pag niloko nya ako ulit
aRmi aNgeLiCa bArAdi: ndi n yan . mi cnbe p xa eh nun nsa kotse kme pauwe n nga . nklimutan q lan un eksaktong cnbe nia . bsta an nttandaan q , mi gelpern aqng tao . c geli lan un . d q un loloqhin . bsta sumtin lyk dat , bsta un .

2010-02-14T00:38:00.001-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. ♥

phone call.

2010-02-12T22:39:00.000-08:00

tinatamad akong picturan gamit digicam ko, so ginamit ko webcam. haha. tumawag siya kaninang 10:30am. nagoovoo kasi kami. nagkadramahan. tas sabi niya tutulog na siya. pero we didn't turn it off. nawala sa isip ko na di niya pinatay speaker niya at maririnig niya ako. so habang pinepwesto ko sa gilid ko ung laptop para makatulog din ako, di ko napigilan umiyak. humiga ako, tumalikod, ngumawa. tas tumawag siya. nagulat ako. ahaha. wag na daw akong umiyak. mahal niya ako. ♥

isa nanamang sabado. mababaliw nanaman ako. dami nanaman chics. sana sumama pinsan ko mamaya, para mapanatag ang loob ko. kaso tarantado din un eh. baka kunsintihin. amp. magkasundo na kasi sila. mga mokong na yon. well, happy birthday kay insan. :]]

oh yea. cute thing kanina pag gising nya. nakaoovoo parin kami. eh nakaspeakers siya so i guess his dad could hear me. ang cute lang ni tito eh. hirit siya "angelie. angelie." ako naman si, 'po?' then he goes "happy valentines." hahah tas maya maya, narinig ko tinatanong nya "gising pa ba si angelie?" haha. namiss ko si tito. he's like a father to me kahit kinukunsinti niya anak nya. he's really sweet. lala ko pa nga, may time na nagselos sakin si boo kasi dad niya gusto ako ipacheck up nung me sakit ako, siya daw inde. ahaha. :]]

bedridden?

2010-02-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

so i was basically stuck lying on my bed the whole day. my legs felt hella weak, my stomach didn't stop aching. thank God, i was able to fall asleep for awhile. coulda sworn i almost cursed out the bitch that woke me up though. tangina, nireject ko na nga yung offer niya nung isang beses tatawag nanaman para lang bentahan ako nung owtel--pantawag sa pinas. kainis lang eh. so aun, i'm awake nanaman with only like 3 hours of sleep. =|

hide.

2010-02-12T07:51:00.001-08:00

hinide ko news feed nila. ahaha. dinelete ko din siya sa ym ko. para di ko makikita kung nagool siya, para di ko alam kung nagcocomment siya sa kanila..

//hirap mainis sa babaeng mabait sayo at wala naman talagang ginagawa sayo. :(

kinalaman ng tsan?

2010-02-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

eversince the incident last night, which was basically couple of hours ago, my stomach kept on hurtin. it can't be cramps, tapos na ko sa monthly period ko, and i don't feel the need to take a shit either. nakatulog ako. then it felt like my heart was trying to jump out of my chest, just like how it felt minutes ago when i read some things i didn't want to see. masakit nanaman tsan ko, and my heart still feels like it wants to get out of my chest. beating hella.. not even fast.. just .. ewan. di ko maexplain.. more details on my private blog... ♥

private blog.

2010-02-12T02:06:00.000-08:00

click here.
so i decided to make a really private blog, viewable only to people who actually wants to read about my life story. i'm still goin to blog here, pero i decided to put some stuff on private para walang censor censor. basta. tamad ako magexplain. gusto ko kasi magvent ng todo. pero ayoko ng all out na. mahirap na. plus, times like these, the last thing i want to hear is an "i told you so." if you want to view it cuz you actually care, just comment your email on this blog and i'll add you up to those who could view it. ;]

paiba iba.

2010-02-12T01:56:00.000-08:00

paiba iba ako ng gusto. paiba iba ng iniisip. paiba iba ng opinion. ewan. bahala na kung ano kalabasan. pag nanyare nanaman yun mamaya, hint na yon. bahala na ang Diyos. no comment nalang ako..

a dream in a dream.

2010-02-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

do you ever get those? ahaha. well, i just did. tagal ko kasi matulog. ahaha. so i didn't take a nap after watching habang may buhay. nanood p ko ng kung tayo'y magkakalayo at saka ng magkano ang iyong dangal. well, actually, nakatulog na ko nun at di ko na yon natapos.

super antok ako, tumawag si ma nagtatanong bout driving. super tamad ako. sabi niya paayos na din daw kami nails. buti pumayag siya na bukas nalang. ahah tinamad din yata. i want to be busy on Fridays from now on. kasi friday means Saturday sa pinas. promoter na si boo, so yea. he'll be at clubs, and i seriously don't want to trip over that. so natulog ako. kahit na sinabi ni ma na may dala siyang pizza, di parin ako bumangon. i didn't wake up till around 8pm, i believe. so i guess i slept for 4? 5? hours.

anyways, here's the dream.
1] napanaginipan ko na kakabalik ko lang galing states, and i was checking somebody's facebook. so andun ung mga status ni *toot*. take note, parang alam niyang mababasa ko kasi halatang nanadya. she went on ranting about she couldn't forget the times na Ryl & I had while she had to hide, and another bout hiding near a christmas lantern. tas may nakita pa kong webcam pic nila, nakawacky pose, tas may caption na "ano ka ngayon!" pa yata. basta nangaasar. yun lang naaalala ko sa part na yon. ahaha
2] tas next one was weird. i was getting ready daw, apparently i was at tito rey's nice house. and take note, close close`an kami don kasi kinwento ko sakanya yung 1st dream ko. tas sabi niya something like, "ganyan talaga ang palaka, nanunuka." ahahah. labo. tas me coins ako nakukuha kasi nga ewan pinamimigay ata nila kasi election. tas si mommy at si ynn, asa sulok nakain. isa sa food yung pizza (napanaginipan ko kasi siguro tumawag si mommy at may pizza daw.)

basta yun na un. naburat ako sa first dream. kahit sa 2nd dream, habang kinkwnto ko, halatang halata ang inis ko. blegh. oa.

before i nap..

2010-02-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

so i basically only had 2 hours of sleep. kung di pa kami nagkaalitan kanina ni boo, di pa ako tutulog. so i did, but only for like 2 hours then i couldn't sleep anymore. so i went online, talked to him some more. basically, di na ako nakatulog eversince.
** haha naggawa kami ng babies namin sa morphthing, tapos ginawan namin ng facebook. nakapagdecide na kami ng ipapangalan namin sa 2 twins namin na lalake. (tangna oa magplano?)

Dontae Antwain
Devaughn Antwain

oh diba, parang itim lang? :]]

anways, 2:39pm na, at gising parin ako. magppractice pa ko magdrive mamaya. =| tinatamad akooo. pero i have to, kasi magtetest na ako soon. importante na maipasa ko yun.

eto plano. tatapusin ko lang yung habang may buhay, tas nanap na ko. makatulog man lang ako ng 1-2 hours. bawi nalang ako tonight. ;]

anyways, cute ng bg ko noh? ahaha AKO YANNN ;p

♥

2010-02-11T09:52:00.000-08:00

nakita ko sa photobucket ee. share ko lang. `08 memories. :]

30 months.

2010-02-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

30 months of crazy love.

on & off. break ups. make ups. i hate you's. i love you's. inbetweens. harsh words. fucked up actions.

too many craziness have happened already. within those 30 months, i've done things i never thought i would ever do, especially for a guy. begging, running away, dealin with such pain. falling in love so much. too much. first time i could ever admit to myself that i have become a hypocrite.

i used to be able to get over a guy the moment the next guy comes into my life. the most i've cried was most likely not even 5 minutes. the minute i feel neglected, the minute i find out i'm being fooled, i dump em. i ask questions, but their answers never mattered. no 2nd chances. "there's a lot of fishes in the sea," used to always work for me, and moving on was never a difficulty for me..

at least not until we saw each other face to face on July 12, 2007.

i remember the last few conversations we had before i went back to the PI for my debut. i wasn't his girlfriend that time. truth is, i can't even remember who he was dating. you see, i used to roll like Ryl. we get over a person so fast that it doesn't take awhile for us to get a new one. he switched girls so fast, i wasn't able to keep up. it's like one day this girl's all over his friendster, then the next day would be a different girl. alala ko, nagyayabangan pa kami bago ako umuwe. sabi nya, one month is all he need to get me. yeap. nagpustahan pa kami. sabi ko pa, sige, magpapainom ako pag nanyare un. tas couple days bago ako umuwe, i told him he was going to be one of my roses, the 17th one to be exact. sabi ko pa nga magbarong sya. inaway nya pa ako, ako daw magbarong.

everything changed the very night i kicked it with him. first time we kissed was different. it wasn't like the ones i've had before. it was different. yun yung unang nakapagpagabagabag ng konsyensya ko. [di kasi alam ng marami, pero sa relasyon namin, ako ang unang nang`gago.] simula ng araw na un, andami ng drama, pero at the same time may mga happy times din. pero nagalangan ako noon. i knew how he was, and i didn't want to risk it. you see, naging kami na dati bago pa ko muwe. kung di kami nagbreak noon, 6 years na kami ngayon. (we dated back in 2004.) after nun, we still kept in touch kahit papaano. gago yan eh. sinasabi nya sakin lahat ng kalokohan nya. as in lahat. i didn't want to risk experiencing what his girls were experiencing. plus, it took me awhile to get him outta my system kaya in 2004. take note, di ko pa sya fully natatanggal nun sa systema ko ah.

lumala yun. he didn't stop pursuing me kahit nasa states na ako. sinagot ko siya nung August 11 2007 [dito] / August 12 2007 [pinas]. ngayon, mas lalong i can't shake him off.

never ko naimagine noon na magiging kami ulit, at lalong di ko naimagine na siya pala ang lalakeng makakapagpabago sakin on how i handle relationships and stuff. di ko akalain na dahil saknya, kung ano ano ang magagawa ko.

i did a lot of things because of him, and may times na niregret ko ang mga yun, dahil nasaktan ako, pero alam ko sa sarili ko na the times we've spent together were the best times of my life.

the pain i feel everytime we argue and fight is nothing compared to how i feel when we're not together. nobody else could ever make me feel the way he does. wala akong maibigay na rason, pero alam ko sa sarili ko na mahal na mahal na mahal ko siya.

&&;NAPUTOL PAGBBLOG KO at kasalukuyan akong kinikilig, dahil 12ish am doon, tumawag sya. AS IN KAKATAWAG LAN NYA. tinignan kung nagtampo ako. tas he greeted me ng happy monthsary. awww. bsta yun na yun.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BOO.

FOREVER & A WEEK, PARIN. ♥

HAPPY 30th MONTHSARY!

wedding.

2010-02-11T07:56:00.001-08:00

so boyfriend & i are like planning our wedding. ahaha. idk how it got there, but the next thing i know, he's posting stuff on my fb wall like what kinda music we finna have playing at our wedding and such. ahaha. then sa ym:

Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:52:19 AM): i love you donearll antoniano catalig
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:52:35 AM): and i can't wait to be officially mrs. donearll antoniano catalig
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:20 AM): i love you
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:25 AM): dami na natin chance
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:29 AM): magpakasal eh
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:30 AM): haha
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:34 AM): sabi pala ni dad
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:36 AM): ano
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:37 AM): selos ka daw ng selos
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:40 AM): kaht san brgay
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:41 AM): papakasal na daw nya tayo
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:41 AM): ah
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:44 AM): hahahaha
Ryl Catalig (2/11/2010 7:54:45 AM): para daw di ka na magselos
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:48 AM): lol
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:49 AM): cute
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:53 AM): alala ko dati
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:54:56 AM): lagi nya hirit
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:55:00 AM): kahit daw sang bragy
Geli Baller (2/11/2010 7:55:01 AM): hahahaha

it really amazes me how i could hate him one minute yet fall in love much more the next. ♥

i'd rather..

2010-02-11T06:08:00.000-08:00

deal with it than lose it..
there are just some people in my life that i can't afford losing, no matter how much they end up hurting me, no matter how much they end up breaking my heart...

no comment.

2010-02-11T03:00:00.001-08:00

< / 3

i feel like

2010-02-10T20:29:00.001-08:00

changing my layout again. but it ain't like there's much to choose from. but really though, this layout is sickening now. =|

omg.

2010-02-10T18:40:00.001-08:00

i woke up at 6pm, and the first thing i ate was whoppers. the chocolate. thanks to lil sis for telling me. she knows i'm a sucka for whoppers. [they're just like maltesers, btw.]

cutest thing ever.

2010-02-10T04:52:00.000-08:00

i was going through my old blogs, then i saw this. it made me smile.

JULY 28 2009
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:22:55 AM): hulaan mo ibig sbhn neto
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:22:56 AM): imy.
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:23:08 AM): i miss you
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:23:11 AM): galing eh eto
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:23:18 AM): ilykgk.
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:23:39 AM): bat natawa ka
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:23:47 AM): tagalog?
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:23:49 AM): ung kgk?
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:23:51 AM): uu
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:02 AM): i love you kahit gago ka
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:04 AM):
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:24:05 AM): HAHAHHAA
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:24:06 AM): ang galing
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:24:07 AM): HAHAHA
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:24:10 AM): bat alam mo un ha
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:18 AM): eh sabi sayo kilala na kita
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:24:34 AM): lol that's the cutest thing ever.
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:42 AM): wat is?
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:44 AM): gago ako?
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:45 AM): ahahaha
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:24:50 AM): no how u know how i think.
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:54 AM): haha
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:24:59 AM): i guess
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:25:01 AM): its cute.
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:25:25 AM): im just tryin to be d best
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:25:28 AM): aww
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:25:30 AM): so u'll take me back
Erryl Catalig (7/28/2009 3:25:44 AM): coz ur d only one i evr wntd
Geli Baller (7/28/2009 3:25:52 AM): aww

i'm sorry, angelie.

2010-02-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

so, minsg ako ni gail.

gailove1628: nakita ko kagabi sa wall ng 4b.. i'm sorry angelie
gailove1628: HAHAHA wala lan share lan
Geli Baller: ahahaha
Geli Baller: tagal na nun eeeee
Geli Baller: lolx
Geli Baller: ngaun mo lan nakita?
Geli Baller: lolx
gailove1628: dati kse alam ko angelie lang nakasulat e
Geli Baller: ahahahah
gailove1628: tapos nagulat ako kagabi may i'm sorry na
Geli Baller: nilagyan nya nan im sorry

eto pa nga yung pic nya kasama yun oh`.

PAHABOL//

pagpost ko neto, bigla sya nagonline. ahahaha. :]]

bio*clock

2010-02-09T17:59:00.000-08:00

so, i've been staying up till 10am and waking up around 4-5pm. ahaha. wow. super inaabuso ko bakasyon. classes start next week. i'm still kinda psyched! then urban street jam on the 20th. turned out homeboy is going too since some of his crew members are battling. who would've thought i'd be friends with SDC [squishydocious]--breakdancers-- members, right? :]]

&& ahaha naiinsecure ako sa 2 classmate ni boo. tangna ang ganda eh =| amp. pero trust nga eeehh diba? trust. :]]

OH OH OH, read this, it's quite interesting: click.

i missed this kind of shittttt. :]]

2010-02-09T09:04:00.000-08:00

it makes me happy to see how fast we're picking up things from where we left off. he still knows how to make me smile. so, kanina nung pauwi na sya, i txted him and asked him kung kinakahiya nya na mahal nya ako kaya di na sya mashado nagiiloveyou sa wall ko.. tas nawala ung net namin, 6 hours later, nung meron na. eto sumalubong sakin:

yung may "i love you gel. di ko kinahihiyang mahal kita. ♥" mahigit 30+ yan :]]

♥

2010-02-09T01:50:00.001-08:00

i haven't been this happy in hella ~~days~~ weeks.
he reminded me how happy he could make me.

i might regret this later, but right now, idgaf. :]]

2010-02-08T02:31:00.000-08:00

**additional blog: here

so i'm pretty sure madami nanaman magrereact sa desisyon ko. di ko rin sila masisisi, naaapektuhan sila pag nagsusumbong ako, and i know just how much my friends care about me.

the good thing about my friends though, kahit na paiba iba utak ko at gusto nila akong dagukan, love parin nila ako. :]]

first off, shout outs muna sa mga taong ito.
atir. kireng. mards. inggitera. danda. gelatin. bebe gia. dani.babe. armi--sila ung main na mga naririnde pag nagaaway kami, pag nagbbreak. sila kasi drecha kong sinusumbungan, sinasabihan ng plano ko. pag di natutuloy plano ko, sila ung mga for sure nabuburat at minumura na ako sa desisyon ko, pero thankful ako kasi, at least, kinakausap parin nila ako. ahaha. pero seryoso, no doubt, mahal ko kayo. sila ung mga taong aawayin ka dahil sa katangahan mo, pero tatanggapin un kasi alam na masaya ka.

pero eto nalang mappramis ko sanyo, susunod na away namin, di na ko mandadamay. :]] lol

--
anyways, here's what happened.

this morning, naghimutok ang butchi ko. baket? he asked me back out pero parang binawe, just because i asked him na pano un, di ka pa ready? [humirit pa kasi ako kasi nageexpect ako ng cute na explanation, ayun binawi tuloy]. then di kami nagpansinan for hours. tas maya maya habang kausap ko si bebe gia ko, nagparamdam sya. sakto pa 11:11. anyways, nagdramahan, umabot pa nga sa part na, ayoko na.

amazingly, napunta sa lambingan sa facebook, tas kami na ulit.

andami ko kasi narealize eh, while we're talking. ganto rin ako nung 2007. ilelet go ko na sya non (kasi believe it or not, ako ang unang nanggago, pero he swallowed his pride and still wanted to be with me, pero ako pa yung may ayaw), tas it wasn't till i thought i was about to lose him for good, saka lang ako tinamaan na tangina, mahal ko pala talaga. ganyan din halos kanina. super seryoso na sya na parang ayaw na nya ipilit, tas ayun, dinaan ko sa pacute ko sa facebook.

malaki rin ang kasalanan ko kay Ryl. di alam ng marami, pero ako ang unang nanggago, at di lang un, halos inulit ko pa nung last uwi ko. pinafeel ko nanaman skanya, na pangatlo lang sya sa choices ko. pag nagaaway kami, kahit may kasalanan din ako, sa pagkkwnto ko, parang si Ryl lang. pero bilib ako sakanya, kasi di nya ibinabato sakin ung mga kasalanan ko. unlike me na pag nagaaway kami, buong facebook, alam. siya? tahimik lang. oo recently may ginawa sya kafuck'd up-an pero most of it, namisunderstood ko lang. and yes, bumawi sya, pinagtanggol naman nya ako.

ayun, bale dahil sa nonstop sumbong ko, si Ryl tuloy etong nalabas na ultimate bad guy lalo na sa mga friends ko. pero narealize ko, kung tutuusin, he is the best boyfriend i've ever had.

siya lang ung nagparamdam sakin na di nya ako kayang mawala. sya ung pag bnreak ko nagtatanong kung baket, or nagttry na bumalik. sa mga ex ko, me mga nagtry, pero not like Ryl. tas siya na nga ung pinakamalayo pero sa lahat ng naging bf ko, siya lang pinaka nageffort to keep our relationship strong. lala ko nung bago palang kami, he'd always call me, kahit pasurprise lang. till now, kahit di na kami, he still does. he txts me kahit na wala akong globe. eh mga ex ko dati, dito na nga lang, di pa magawa magparamdam saakin! tas simula 2007 hanggang 2009, he sent me letters and cards. nung late 2009 at this year nga lang mejo naudlot due to alam nyo na.. the never ending drama we've been having. siya lang din ung nakatagal sa ugali ko. i'm hella bossy, hella clingy & needy pero natagalan nya un. i didn't give him much credit para sa efforts nya. puro mali nya lang napapansin ko, puro mali lang nya knukwento ko sa tropa ko. pero kung tutuusin, na outweigh nung magagandang nangyare samen at mga nagawa nya for me ung mga kasalanan nya.

sabi nga ni inggitera dati, mahal daw talaga ako ni Ryl, siguro daw natutukso lang kasi wala ako. and ngayon ko nalang mejo nafeel yan. narealize ko, pag magkasama naman kami, walang problema. never ako nagkaprob about him & other girls. his attention was always on me. kahit di kami magkasama, nagttxt sya, o natawag.

well enough sa kadadada. basta, napagusapan namin na aayusin na namin talaga this time. nakalala kasi sa relasyon namin na bawat naririnig ko, di muna ako nagtatanong, inaaway ko kagad sya, at nagsusumbong na kagad ako. kaya di pa sigurado ang chismis, galit na tuloy saknya lahat ng tropa ko. [which is my fault, so i'm really sorry.]

this time, promise ko na di ko na sya hihigpitan para di siya nagtatago sakin. i'ma give him enough space to enjoy his young adult life, kasi alam ko he's willing to give me that. babawasan ko na rin pagka paranoid ko, kasi sabi nga nan kung sino suspicions fucks relationships up. what we need is trust, serious and whole lotta trust.

i'm sorry kung ipokrita ako. i'm sorry dahil sa dami ng beses kong sinabi na i'ma get over him, di ko talaga magawa. mashado ko syang mahal, and alam ko na mahal din nya ako. marami nga lang katarantaduhan ang papasok pa sa buhay namin kasi magkalayo kami, pero alam ko, when the time comes, it'll be all worth it. basta this time, yung mga alitan namin, i'll just keep it between me & him.

**sa tingin ko mas ok na rin tong ganto sakin. kasi kahit naman di kami, nasakit parin ulo ko sakanya. mabuti na ung kami, at least, may karapatan talaga ako sakanya!

11:11

2010-02-07T23:14:00.001-08:00

Geeya Lat: hay naku
Geeya Lat: oo lalo na sayo hehehe
Geeya Lat: ryl mo nag comment hehe
Geli Bala: hahaha
Geli Bala: onga ngaun ko lang napansin
Geli Bala: haha
Geli Bala: sakto pa nagol sya
Geli Bala: 11:11
Geli Bala: ahaha
Geli Bala: iwwish ko palang
Geeya Lat: hahahahahhaha
Geli Bala: awwwwwww
Geeya Lat: sayo?
Geli Bala: pakshet sapul ako

totoo diba?

2010-02-07T23:11:00.001-08:00

got this off facebook.

You can NEVER teach a guy to LOVE you the WAY you WANT to be LOVED. You have to WAIT for him to do it in his own WAY, in his own TIME. That’s the saddest part of being a GIRL.

BUT…

You can NEVER teach a girl to LOVE the guy back the WAY she DID before if she already GREW TIRED and FED UP UNDERSTANDING and WAITING to be APPRECIATED and LOVED the WAY she DESERVES to be LOVED.

that’s the saddest part of being an INSENSITIVE MAN

i'd rather not deal with it this time..

2010-02-07T17:02:00.001-08:00

parang binigyan nya ko ng mamahalin na chocolate na gustong gusto ko, tas isusubo ko nalang, binawi nya pa. =[

ok na sana..

2010-02-07T09:37:00.001-08:00

kaso nagpakalabo nanaman siya. ♥

kilig. :]]

2010-02-07T02:19:00.000-08:00

so me & ryl's seatmate/friend were talking on fb. tas kinilig ako dito..

lalang kinilig ako. ahaha, nasa wallet parin nya mga pictures ko. :]] alala ko dati nagaway kami kasi iniwan nya wallet nya sa tropa kasi nga pinababalik sya, eh di na sya bumalik kasi he slept over na after namin magbreak up make up mode. tas his friend told me na me solo pic and like pics of us together pa kami sa wallet nya. wala lang. ♥

5 months & 11 days!

2010-02-06T18:26:00.001-08:00

i just realized that. 5 months & 11 days nalang, 21 na ako. i'm thinking bout celebrating it at a club this year, or maybe go to vegas with my cousins and some friends! tight. i needa save up now.

bwahahahah :]]

2010-02-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

sa lahat ng ex ni Ryl, she must've been my favorite. ahahaha. :]]
i don't needa say much. people already know how she acts. no need to waste my time describing how she is.

i thought i was pathetic. getting mad when Ryl talks to other girls kahit di na kami. pero at least ako kahit papaano me rason. Ryl promised hella shit to me, and i guess it was my fault to believe each and every word that he said. pero may mas pathetic pa pala saakin. :]]

ayaw nya sakin, yet halos lahat ng pauso ko, ginaya nya. o san ka pa? actually di lang halos eh. lahat talaga. there was a time na nkipagayos ako saknya kasi i was tired of hating. then someone told me na tanga wag daw, isa daw yung malaking ipokrita. and she was right. :]]

at least ako, ipokrita man ako, iisa lang pnagkakaipokritahan ko. un ung part na i kept saying na i'ma get over him pero i end up not doing so.

i don't needa say much. people know wassup. :]]
basta ako, nagpapasalamat ako na hindi ako sya. yun nalang. ♥

why?

2010-02-06T00:59:00.001-08:00

"why can't you love me enough not to cheat? why ain't my heart strong enough to leave? and why do i stay knowin all that you do? why am i so much in love with you? it ain't like i ain't fly, and can't find another guy. it's matters of the heart that got me stayin, and i don't know why.." --ashanti.

movie day*

2010-02-05T20:10:00.000-08:00

so i stayed up kagabi. well actually i was about to sleep na around 3am when my ex messaged me. told him i was going to sleep na. naka30 mins din ako nagpaikot ikot sa kama ko, pero wala nangyare. so i just ended up going online and talking to him.

my bestie, Oreo, & I planned to go see a movie earlier. we wanted to see a movie at the earliest time possible kasi it was a lot cheaper, and we're both broke so yeap. nagalarm ako ng 8am para i could get ready kasi she was going to pick me up at 10am. you know how girls get ready. anyways, simula 3am, hanggang almost 8am, gising na ko. yeap, di na ako nakatulog. nagusap nalang kami ni ex. tamang dramahan and stuff. then nung nagpaalam na sya matulog, naligo na ako.

we got to the movies around 10am. wala pa mashado tao. we weren't expecting much people, pero nakakagulat na marami rami narin pala ang nasa loob ng theater. we went to go see Dear John. the shitty part? eto, di ako nakatulog the night before, diba? sa sinehan ako bumawi. ahaha. :]]

i slept through the important parts, i think. i got pissed. ahaha. pero steady lang, sabi ko i'll just watch it online pa gmay mas malinaw na na version na lumabas. pero the parts that i've seen were good. super kilig talaga. it made me sad though. seeing how they were when they're together, reminded me of how my ex & i are. actually, believe it or not, we were better.

anyways. got home around 12 ish. direcho palit ako pajamas, tas natulog ako. ahahaha. super tamad pa ko bumangon, pero around 6pm, i heard my mom going, "o nood tayo i love you goodbye!" eh i've been wanting to see that movie forever. so bangon kagad ako, then went to my mom's room.

it was a good movie, pero they killed it with the ending. ahahaha. leche. di ko trip yung ending.

:]] well, that's all for now.. i don't want to do much realization/drama tonight.

dani.babe ♥

2010-02-05T01:55:00.000-08:00

oa. ahaha andami nakakapansin. leche. obvious ko kasi. ipokrita tuloy feeling ko sa sarili ko :(

Geli Bala: i love him pero lam mo un, nagparaya na ko mashado.
Danica Llanes: not to be down on u babe but u've said all that before :/
Danica Llanes: and yet no matter what u still go back to him
Danica Llanes: hai
Danica Llanes: i want u to be happy babe..
Geli Bala: i know
Danica Llanes: sana maaus na..
Geli Bala: haha kaya nga nagdadasal ako eh
Geli Bala: sbi ko tangna pakiaus na utak nya
Geli Bala: asap
Geli Bala: haha napapahiya na ko
Geli Bala: superrr
Geli Bala: hahaha
Danica Llanes: kasi parang sya lang nakakapagpasaya talaga sau..

Danica Llanes: lam mo babe]
Geli Bala: inde
Geli Bala: lol
Danica Llanes: i wish na matauhan ka na or si erryl mabagok na sa pader nang matauhan
Danica Llanes: yoko na emo si geli.babe
Danica Llanes: di bagai

** we were talking about one of those plans kasi.. you know .. yung isa nanaman sa mga plano ko maka get over pero di naman natutuloy. chorva. ever. :(

=/

2010-02-04T20:57:00.001-08:00

i hate it when my sister & i get into an argument. and we did. ugh. :(

selos?

2010-02-04T20:44:00.001-08:00

so, di ako mashado nagparamdam kay ex kahapon at kanina. i txted him last night and he wasn't replying so, aun di na ko nangulet. tas when i was taking a nap kanina, he called. nagtatanong bat daw di na ako nangungulet, di ako nagttxt. sabi ko eh di ka naman nagrereply. sabi nya he did. sabi ko, sus gising na ko the next day nung nakuha ko txt mo. tas ayun daw blah blah namiss nya ko. tas naputol. tas i txted him kasi nga sabi nya txt ko daw sya. di naman nagreply. so uminit nanaman ulo ko. pano, pamiss nanaman ang trip nya. tas biglang nagwall sa fb. naubusan na daw pala sya ng load. tas ok, pasweet epek sya. tas biglang nangaway.

pano, nagselos kay ejay falcon. anak ng tokwa.
bihira magselos si ryl. ok sana magselos sya, kaso hello? sa artista?
nakanang.

so inaway ko rin sya. sabi nya nagpapacute lang daw sya. sabi ko sarap nya hampasin. hanggang sa umabot sa:

Ryl Catalig i tried to change my status sana, from single to engaged. eto sabi, "Angelie Angeles Bala is already in a relationship." haha. kulit lang eh. gugutom na ko.

so i asked him what that meant. di na nagreply. baka naglog off na. isang oras na din ako nagaantay sa reply nya. pagod na ko. blegh~ lagi ko pnapagod sarili ko sknya.

plans with lil sis.

2010-02-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

i thought this february would be a shitty month, ya know? being single and all. i've never celebrated valentine's day with a guy. it's always my bestfriend, Oreo, who comes over giving me gifts. lol. it's usually because i'm either single or dating a guy that's hella far from me.

that is going to change though. this february is going to be the fuckin bomb. my sister & I are going to start working out. not just any kind of work out. basta surprise! hella excited for it. then we finna go to Urban Street Jam on Feb 20 together with Oreo & Tina. o dba, nakikibarkada na sa big kids si lil sis. then we're planning to make ourselves a personalized shirt with our faces on it. terno terno kaming 3 magkakapatid. then classes are going to start on Feb 16. i'm pretty excited. i also got an invitation to join Alpha Gamma Sigma. it's not like the regular frat/sorority in the philippines. it's more like an academic group. it doesn't sound so bad, i'm kinda thinking that i might join, or maybe explore my options on club rush when school starts. i'm pretty psyched! i'm so excited to start getting busy. hella excited to have a new & fuhreshhhh start! wish me luck? ♥

grabbed from danda.

2010-02-04T12:23:00.001-08:00

1. “Ang mag-assume, TALO (kahit 2% pa yan).”

2. “Kung ayaw may DAHILAN, kung gusto may PARAAN.”

3. “Wag masyado magpadala sa text.”

4. “BACK OFF (as in back off) sa mga IN A RELATIONSHIP, kahit saan anggulo mo tingnan, ikaw pa rin ang mali.”

5. “Never borrow someone else’s man/girl. If he/she cheated with you, he’ll/she’ll cheat on you.”

6. “Hayaan mo siyang gawin yung gusto niyang gawin. Buhay niya yun, hindi mo maco-control. As long as alam niya yung limitations niya.”

7. “Take it slow. Steady lang.”

8. “Maniwala sa IT’S COMPLICATED na status. Hindi lang chenes yan.”

9. “Learn to LET GO kung alam mong wala na talaga.”

10. “Keep your DIGNITY.”

11. “If a man/woman wants you, nothing can keep him/her away. If he/she doesn’t want you, nothing can make him/her stay.”

12. “Wag magselos sa siblings and relatives ng boyfriend/girlfirend mo.”

13. “Ang QT (quality time), at least 5 hours lang per week.”

14. “Don’t revolve your life around him/her. Learn to be independent.”

15. “Hindi dahilan ang TIME.”

16. “Kung ayaw sayo ng kapatid, hayaan mo siya. Wala siyang magagawa kung mahal ka talaga niya.”

17. “Wag magpakilala sa parents agad. It can affect your relationship.”

18. “Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Kadalasan tama ito mga girls.”

19. “Be nice to your EX. Wag maging BITTER.”

20. “If a relationship ends because the man/woman was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. At some case this is applicable.”

21. “Wag magpadala sa SITUATION. Baka overwhelmed ka lang.”

22. “Stop making excuses for a man/woman and his/her behavior. Paminsan-minsan take off your helmet.”

23. “When you meet anyone, remember it’s a holy encounter. As you treat them you will treat yourself. As you think of them, you think of yourself. Never forget this, for in them you will find yourself or lose yourself.”

24. “Hindi balakid kung magkaiba ang RELIGION niyong dalawa.”

25. “Kung kayang i-workout, i-WORKOUT!” Kalokohan ang reason na “IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME.”

26. “All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is a two way street.”

27. “Learn to forgive para magkaroon ka ng peace of mind.”

28. “Some can forgive but can’t forget.”

29. “If something bothers you, speak up! Mahirap kapag nagpapakiramdaman lang kayo.”

30. “OPEN COMMUNICATION, TRUST AND HONESTY are the most important ingredients in a relationship.”

31. “You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship pag hindi kasi, it can affect or even ruin your relationship.”

32. “Okay lang na magselos, basta yung pakilig lang.”

33. “Always have your own set of friends separate from his/her para may iba kang channels that is without him/her.”

34. “Make him/her miss you sometimes. when a man/woman always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him/her, he/she takes it for granted.”

35. “Always make time for your family and friends.”

36. “You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. look for someone complimentary. not supplementary.”

37. “Always make time for yourself.”

38. “Wala yun sa tagal ng relationship, nasa pagmamahal.”

39. “There’s NO SUCH THING as MR. RIGHT or MS. RIGHT. It’s how you mold him/her to become rightfully for you.”

40. “There’s NO SUCH THING as COOL OFF/GRAY AREA. Kung white, white! Kung black, black! Walang GRAY AREA.”

41. “Always think a number of times before deciding on to something important.”

42.”There’s a possibility that a person can get attracted to another. It’s human nature. It’s not wrong. But that is why you’re in a commitment, you discipline yourself. One may get attracted to numerous prospects and it’s okay. As long as, you don’t nurse the feeling and do something about it. Borderline between cheating and faithfulness. Recognize reality that you already have the person that can give you more than what you get for the cheap thrill of attraction.”

43. “You need to let go of the past to have a future.”

44. “Do not take anyone for granted.”

45. “If what you see by the eye doesn’t please you, then close your eyes and see from the heart. Because the heart can see beauty and love more than the eyes can ever wonder.”

46. “If you felt it, then it was true. Getting hurt doesn’t always mean you suffered, it also means you loved sincerely. Don’t frown because it’s over. SMILE BECAUSE IT HAPPENED.”

47. “KARMA (whatever you do) will find its way.”

48. “Everything will fall into place.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. A man won’t let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done.Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn’t guard him enough or you didn’t make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn’t have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your “supposedly” perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you’d go for a guy. It’s perfectly okay to give and do everything as long as it’s worth it. And it’s worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don’t be scared that he’ll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It’s a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it’s the guy who’s calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it’s a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don’t lose hope. Don’t settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can.

Also, do not believe him when he says it’s just the way he really is. He’s not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can’t get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can’t leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl’s man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn’t come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don’t be afraid to be single.

It’s fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you’ll still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn’t give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don’t be a nagger. Don’t hinder his gimmicks. Don’t give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don’t be easy. Don’t be like every other girl he had in his life.

fb & baby chiki

2010-02-04T01:36:00.000-08:00

sabi ko matutulog na ko, pero di ko kaya. ayaw ko pa talaga :]]

so, i was taking a facebook test. i knowwww, it's just for fun, pero nalungkot ako dahil sa isang tanong at sa sagot ko. narealize ko kasi yung totoo. tas kausap ko pa si baby chiki [Naomi], tas ayun napagusapan kami ni Ryl. tas she's all like talking about how she felt like a hypocrite hating on Ryl like that, when before she's all for us being together. tas narealize ko rin na i'm being what i hate the most-- a hypocrite.

to be continued..

bilib.

2010-02-04T00:57:00.001-08:00

bilib ako sa mga taong after hella years nakamove on, nakalet go. it takes much more strength to let go than to hold on.

boring much?

2010-02-04T00:40:00.000-08:00

this day wasn't all that, really. woke up at 3pm, took a shower, and just got ready. ran some errands with my mom. went to the bank, then staples, then went to target. got me a new bikini razor. ahaha. :]] then went home. went online for a bit just to watch my shows, then went to my sister's room to watch some more. unfortunately it's late already, and there's not much good shows on. so now, i'm back online stuck with nothing to do. this day seems so long. i want to just sleep. maybe i'll do that. i don't want to do much thinking today anyway. ♥

--
anyways, i was doing hella thinking. aha. this week has been confusing. one day we're good, the next we're not, day after would be great, day after that would feel like shit. for now, we're in pretty good terms. i think the thing that fucks up what we have the most is the fact that i expect too much from him. like the fact that we're not even together, yet i expect him to stay away from ladies. [demanding?] or how i expect him to talk to me a lot still. [but hey he did spend his whole wednesday with me.] hella shit have happened, but i can't deny, and i won't deny, that i still have a lot going on in my head, the feelings too are still there. except i promised him that this time, ima just go with the flow. i'm kinda having a hard time doing that though, but trust, i've been restraining myself from txting him a bajillion times. :]] i guess i started expecting more because of the whole wall-to-wall conversation we had goin on last night, how it all led to this topic about us being together in the end, at least that's what we're hoping. except i forgot the fact that we didn't talk about the inbetweens. we're not going to be together for quite awhile, and sooner or later, someone else is bound to take him away from me, or maybe the other way around. that's the part that's depressing me right now.

this is the pathetic side of me.
after all the shit i've been through, i guess i just can't give him up that easily. no matter how much my brain kept tellin me i should just let go, my heart just won't let me..
i still want him.
i'm still inlove with him..

wtf ?

2010-02-03T05:11:00.000-08:00

so tamang drama mode kami ni ex. ang kaso mo, sa facebook namin natripan magdrama. tas nung tinignan namin yung ym convo namin, natawa kami. papano, eto kinalabasan:

Ryl Catalig: nag question me
Geli Bala: im answering it..
Geli Bala: yan na.
Geli Bala: wait
Geli Bala: yan na..
Ryl Catalig: wait
Geli Bala: k
Ryl Catalig: yan
Ryl Catalig: tapos na
Ryl Catalig: reply ko
Geli Bala: kk
Geli Bala: ayan na.
Ryl Catalig: yan
Geli Bala: pra tayong tanga
Geli Bala: nagmmsgan
Geli Bala: para lang sabihin
Geli Bala: "yan na"
Geli Bala: "nagrply na ako"
Ryl Catalig: haha
Geli Bala is typing a message.
Geli Bala: teka sagutin ko

touching.

2010-02-02T21:05:00.000-08:00

pinagtanggol ako ni ex sa inaway kong ex nya. ahaha. well, sa mga kaibigan nya. well, kahit na nagagree sya sa tropa nung isa na ako nga nanaaway. ahaha, sinabi parin nya na kung pwede lang wag na ako awayin. bwahaha. sige na. ako na touch. salamat ex. ♥

[xmpre, tinignan ko ung fb nya para malaman kung binubullshit nya lang ako. di naman. ]

Divine Carter tira ng tira tapos magdi.delete !
punyetaaaaaaaa !

hahaha . nakakabaliw ang totoo !
bitter nga ko e ! bakit ba ? ;)

i'm happy how we're in good terms right now. siguro nga it really is better off this way. walang away. :]

optimistic.

2010-02-02T20:04:00.000-08:00

i've always thought i was a pessimistic bitch. i tend to see the negative shit out of everything. like with my ex, when he's out, i tend to be hella creative.. thought of hella things that caused me to get jealous and trip. suspetcha palang yun ah. then before i do something, i hella think about the consequences that could come out of it. i usually expect the worst too. kaya nga kami lagi nagaaway and stuff. ang oa pa, minsan kahit naisip ko na ung mga worst things that could happen, i still risk it and do it anyway. [tanga?]

pero it wasn't till lately na narealize ko na parang out of all that pessimism, may pagkaoptimistic din pala ako. kasi tipong halos harap harapan ko ng nakikita na it's bound to fall apart, there's always that something in the back of my head that kept telling me to give it another try, it's going to be better this time. [tanga ulit?]

haha. pero things are different now. oo this is another try. pero not with the relationship. more on for the sake ng pinagsamahan namin dati. para walang samaan ng loob. maybe in the future, pag sawa na sya mag have fun, pag mature na ako, pag ok na kaming dalawa at inlove pa sa isa't isa, maybe we could try it again. pero ayoko na magexpect. expectations lead to disappointments. bahala nalang si God. i'ma just go with the flow. alam ko naman na kahit tatanga tanga ako, di ako papabayaan non ;]]

even though i made my ex sound hella horrible, there are quite a few things that i left out. well, he still is fucked up though. ahaha. kung pagbabasehan mo sa times na magkasama kami ng personal, wala naman talagang problema. he's a nice guy. well at least sakin. kahit kasama tropa nya, lagi lang sya nasa tabi ko nakahawak sakin. sa kotse, puro i love you na narindi na mga pinsan ko. yun ung mga tungkol sa kanya that makes him hard to just let go. never nya ko niloko nung nasa pilipinas ako. pano nya nga naman ako maloloko 24/7 ako kasama nya. kahit asa bahay na sya, pinagool ko pa or tinatwagan ko. i can't blame everything on him, but that's what i did these past few days. selfish din pala ako. gusto ko ako lang lagi tama. i guess i just want to say sorry to him for making him look so bad just because i was hella mad. he was fucked up, pero may time na ako rin ung fucked up but he never did the things i did to him to me. he just took it, yung ginawa ko sakanya. yun ung kinaibahan namin, ngayon ko lang narealize. ako gusto ko sa public ako ung tama. pero sya dati.. basta..

basta this time, wala akong pipilitin. we're both free to make our own choices this time. plus mas ok diba, kung alam mo na sa dami ng choices, ikaw ung pinili? :]]